‘Or, Quit Now… and Avoid the Rush’

Uncle Earl's Management Primer

Uncle Earl is quick to point out that 'since failure is now an option,' management textbooks should reflect this important inflection point. What we've learned about management in the past may turn out to be all fucked up?

First, it is important to understand failure. Failure is such an inevitability that it's critical to nail this down first. This makes mediocrity much easier to accept.

If you rely on solid teamwork and a willingness to sacrifice you will find that you can be effective in meetings and in doing so uphold the traditions of the company. Traditions make a company culture strong.

Uncle Earl says that there are two other keys to success in the corporate world. First, you have to have great persistence in the pursuit of your dreams. Secondly, it is important to know how to effectively blame others as part of your career advancement. Feeling superior to your colleagues removes all apathy from your work experience.

Uncle Earl insists that if you do these things, then soon you will be placed in charge of corporate planning. Fifteen or so years of this, then your retirement. If you take early retirement then you can even have a second career in consulting.

Or

All of this of course takes a lot of work. So, Uncle Earl, always remembering that failure now is an option, says that it might be time to just go ahead and quit now, and avoid the rush. "Because," he says, "half of us will soon be out of work anyway, so you might as well go ahead and start collecting that unemployment check in time for summer vacation."

Happy Easter!

(Thanks Despair Inc., you're awesome!)

The Butcher