The Onion on Management: “Failure Now an Option”… So Go Back to Bed

February 11, 2008

Former motivational speaker Dr. E.L. Kersten (Ph.D. Organizational Psychology), decided one day that he had had enough. On the stump, going from company to company, he concluded that he no longer believed what he said about motivation, teamwork, desire, loyalty, sacrifice, leadership, etc. All of the head-line topics of Organizational Behavior were, he thought, crap. [...]

Former motivational speaker Dr. E.L. Kersten (Ph.D. Organizational Psychology), decided one day that he had had enough. On the stump, going from company to company, he concluded that he no longer believed what he said about motivation, teamwork, desire, loyalty, sacrifice, leadership, etc. All of the head-line topics of Organizational Behavior were, he thought, crap. Then he had an idea. Thus Kersten formed Despair Inc., a media company devoted to supporting and encouraging demotivated employees worldwide. In his book, The Art of Demotivation, Kersten outlines his demotivated vision in brilliant detail.

For the aspiring manager who realizes that he/she doesn't have time for such unproductive and wimpy notions as 'empowerment,' 'grassroots management' and the like, Kersten's admonitions will make you feel less lonely as you strive for machine-like managerial perfection. He has put together what he calls demotivators, organized as calendars, around some of the most important themes in contemporary personnel management.

Motivation Teamwork Failure Change
Ambition Apathy Achievement Cluelessness
Discovery Demotivation Indifference Idiocy
Mediocrity Leaders Mistakes Power
Retirement Sacrifice Procrastination Get to Work
Delusions Consulting Despair Futility
Ignorance Inspiration Limitations Pessimism
Quality Stupidity Worth

Thankfully, as reported by The Onion failure is now an option.

The Butcher

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